Prior to college, I was sick and tired of studying for SAT's and AP tests while trying to juggle all the extracurricular activities expected of a potential Ivy League-caliber student. I couldn't wait to go to college — because that's where happiness would be.
In college, as a SoCal boy, I couldn't stand the lack of sunshine and the isolated rural environment. I felt like a prisoner and literally counted the days to my graduation — because happiness would be found post-graduation.
Then came military service in South Korea. Then life as an immigrant on a work visa. At every turn, I was waiting for the next stage of life to deliver what the current one couldn't.
Where do I look for happiness next?
The Achievement Model of Happiness
This story is a common one. I call this kind of happiness framework the Achievement Model. It's based on states: either you're in the "happy" state or you're not.
But how do we actually check if we're in the happy state? Not through concrete evidence — through how we feel. I got a new car, does that make me feel happy? Hell yeah. So I must be happy.
But what happens when the feeling changes, while the circumstances stay the same?
The Achievement Model is fundamentally broken in two ways: (1) As long as you haven't hit the next milestone, you're suffering. (2) Even when you do hit it, there's always another one waiting. Sprinkle in some perfectionism, pressure to succeed, and overachievement — and you have an unsustainable model of happiness.
The Buddhist Alternative: Convergence
How do people who have happiness figured out deal with this? Through what I call the Convergence Model.
Consider Zeno's dichotomy paradox: to arrive at any destination, you must first travel half the distance, then half of that, ad infinitum. Theoretically, motion can't even begin.
The mathematical solution? The limit. A limit tells us that while we converge toward a value, there isn't a single point of x that deterministically gives us the answer. You approach it. You get infinitely closer. But you never "arrive" in a binary sense.
Why the Convergence Model Works
This simple shift in how we think about happiness has three powerful effects:
1. No good state, no bad state
There's no differentiation between "happy" and "not happy." We simply are. Every moment is a point on the curve approaching the limit. You don't need to be somewhere else to be okay.
2. Nothing to lose
We never have to worry about "losing" something we had — because we never fully attain anything. The car, the job, the relationship — they're part of the journey, not the destination. When you stop clinging to states, loss loses its power.
3. A clear path forward
Every day, you just take one more step toward happiness. That's it. Not a giant leap. Not a transformation. Not a milestone. One step. The simplicity of it is what makes it sustainable.
I'm a pretty happy person right now. But if I declare happiness and stop practicing — stop meditating, stop doing 108 bows, stop waking up early — it won't take long before I'm right back where I started. Happiness isn't knowledge you possess. It's a practice you maintain. Just like riding a bike, your body remembers even when your mind forgets.
How to Start
Even in all of my previous suffering, I found the dharma of the Buddha. I never even thought to look before, but I found it. What I've learned isn't something that's exceptionally difficult — it's the same whether it's day 1 or day 1,000.
You just take one more step toward happiness, and practice it.
If you want to start, here's where I'd begin: the Introduction to Buddhist Practice guide I wrote, and the Practice App I built to support a daily meditation and prostration practice.