The great thing about Buddhism, in my opinion, is that it doesn't ask you to change. It gives you all the options and leaves the decision to you. All the teachings I share in writings like this — I'm not actually encouraging you to change your life the way I describe. I don't think I make that explicit enough, so in this writing let's explain the Buddhist life-changing process.
Everything Has Consequences
When I drop a cup of water there is a chance that the cup can break. There's a chance of the water miraculously staying inside. But statistically speaking the most likely outcome is that the water falls out and the cup may break. The cup will not suspend in air, it will not float up — the cup has to come down because of gravity.
Everything we do has a potential consequence until we actually do it, where the potential consequence turns into a real consequence. This is the Buddhist concept of dependent arising — the way we live our life tends to steer the overall direction of our life.
Of course the world is not guaranteed to be in order. There are people who do great things and die from unexpected causes. Many seemingly deplorable people have great fortunes. But those are statistical outliers. People who generally give to others tend to receive more. People who generally take from others tend to receive less, which further demands the lifestyle of needing to take.
The Life of Suffering
Suffering is an umbrella term for general dissatisfaction or emotional difficulties. The important point is: there is a lifestyle that is conducive to suffering.
When you are in constant pursuit of something and derive pleasure from that something, you are building towards suffering. There's no way around it. When you're so consumed by the idea that you're right, then other people are constantly wrong — and how can you be happy when you're always surrounded by the wrong people? You can't.
How can I not be burned when my hands are on fire? How can I not fall when I'm subject to gravity? If you have a reason to suffer, you will suffer.
The Antidote: Restraint, Ease, and Wisdom
In Buddhism, the three poisons are greed (pursuit), anger (needing to be right), and ignorance (a faulty understanding of reality). They intermix — "I have to get the promotion, because how can I not? My happiness depends on it" — that's greed fueled by righteousness, backed by a faulty understanding of what creates happiness.
The antidote also mixes well: restraint, ease, and wisdom.
I could earn more money to buy a bigger house. But when I notice the desire growing and affecting my judgment, I bring focus back to myself so I can access calm ease where it's easier to make a rational decision. The bigger house means more insurance, more upkeep. Do I enjoy maintaining the house I have now? Not really. Is the joy worth the extra cost? Probably not. So we don't have to chase it — but it was nice to entertain the idea.
In jiujitsu, the martial art I train, there's a saying: "only one person can be comfortable." It is very difficult to make rational defensive decisions when I'm under immense physical pressure. It's like trying to solve a difficult math equation while submerged under a swimming pool — I could, but it would be a lot harder.
That's why we meditate and practice 108 bows — to develop the capacity for ease with what's present, and to observe what comes up from our feelings department.
The Lag of Happiness
A very common pitfall people fall into when discussing the happy life is: people don't account for the lag.
When you buy a house, typically it's 30 years to pay it off. Any person with a respectable view of sustainable weight management will tell you you cannot lose weight quickly and safely. The same applies to changing your life.
The way you have lived your life will have you pay its dues for some time after you start living the happy life. Trying to live in a new way is like changing your dominant hand. Not only do you need to develop skill in your new hand, but you also need to refrain from using your existing one. Any new experience is interpreted as scary, difficult, and challenging to our brains.
After about 100 days you will get a taste of what it is to live without suffering. But 100 days is a fraction of your existing life — if you stop there, you will be drawn back. It takes about 1,000 days of practicing a new life to actually change your life. But the tangible benefits start showing well before that.
I'm about 16 months into the practice and I have completely removed suffering from my life. Your mileage may differ, but you can see results depending on how much you put into it.